How To Thrive In The Midst of Change

Thriving in the midst of change might seem like a tall order. But let’s say you’re a service provider and find yourself in a scenario such as… you’re busy at your computer, catching up on e-mails or working on social media content, or writing a blog or (fill in the blank). Your phone ding and the message says, ‘Just to let you know that…’

And whatever that message is, in an instant your world has just changed. You’re stumped for a moment, then think, Is this really happening? What should I do? What will I do? How do I deal with this change in circumstance?

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Here’s the thing, during the course of a day, you change your mind, your direction, routine, and likely your clothes, more than once without giving it a second thought. Nothing earth shattering about that, change is natural, normal, and routine.

Why, then, do many fear change? Resist change? Dread change? Sometimes find it painful, yet continue with negative or unhealthy behaviors?

Could it be not understanding what change is, let’s clarify that.

Understanding Change

Change is natural, on-going, and is necessary in life. As George Bernard Shaw said, “When people shake their heads because we are living in a restless age, ask them how they would like to live in a stationary one, and do without change?”

What would life be like without change? Stagnant. And we’d be bored silly.

We all will face challenging changes during our life’s journey. The longer we live the more changes we’ll face. Some of these are expected, though often dreaded – like growing older, changes in body shape, eyesight or hearing diminishing, gray hair – no hair! And although we know these changes are inevitable, there’s often a moment when the realization of the change hits us. Could be looking at a photo of our younger self or indulging in some form of  physical activity and the following morning have aches in places we didn’t even know we had.

These are important to examine, but let’s concentrate on a different kind – external provoked changes. That is, changes in the world around us, in our relationships and in our work and business.

In our current world, there’s another type of change that previous generations did not experience. Technology, which has impacted the pace of change more than anything else. Many of you likely did not own a computer twenty years ago. 

Unless you were born in the technology age, you probably tense up every time someone suggests that life would be easier with an I-Pod, I-Pad, or Flip video camera. Such changes are stressful, but chances are, with time (and a teenager around), you’ll deal with the temporary anxiety and figure things out. And you’ve probably realized by now that today’s technology will be obsolete by the time you figure it out.

Yes, we age. Technology evolves. Hence, changes are expected, some predictable, and although they may cause temporary frustration, they’re manageable. However, many of us will face big and often surprising changes that cause us to question who we are, our role in life and work, or our belief system. 

In fact, that is what change often conjures up for us. The sense of being out of control – being adrift with no direction. One of the pervading emotions around that is, ‘I’m in this alone’ or ‘no-one understands.’

First, be assured that you’re not alone. As any personal or professional coach will tell you, almost everyone around you is dealing with their own share of change.

Second, you might be right. Not everyone understands the change process. However, when an external event causes a shift in your world, you will respond. As your world changes, you change. If the situation is negative, your first reaction may include some negative emotions and responses, such as disbelief, confusion, anger, sadness, uncertainty, panic, and fear. And, if the change is positive, such as a new addition to the family, an incredible collaborative work opportunity, or a sudden inheritance, you’ll respond with positive emotions and responses.

Be that as it may, it’s not unusual for people to sometimes have negative responses to positive circumstances – change is challenging, even when it’s for the better.

It’s often said that people only change when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change. But, did you know that there’re 3 stages of change?

Stages of Change

You’ve survived change. You’ve had plenty of practice in life making small and large adjustments. You’re equipped with all the skills. You just may need to put the spotlight on and hone them, and knowing the three stages of change will help you with that.

1. ‘Letting Go’ Stage of Change

The first step of change can sometimes be the most painful. In order to move through the process, however, you’ll have to let go of something. Maybe a relationship, a job, some form of security, or an unfulfilled dream. You must at some point let go to be able to accept and prepare for change.

It’s difficult to let go of what is familiar – even when the old no longer serve us. During the letting go process, you’ll  go through a grieving process and the more attached you are to the old, the more you will grieve. 

According to the Great Lakes Psychology Group, ‘Grief can be experienced in reaction to any significant loss, whether it be job/income loss, loss of child care, loss of routine and a sense of safety, or loss of community and togetherness.’

And they agree that the grieving process consists of five stages: 

• Denial – Believing that this is ‘just a dream,’ or ‘just a phase.’ It’s really not happening.
• Bargaining – Convincing ourselves that we can negotiate our way back to how things used to be.
• Anger – Feeling the situation is ‘unfair’. We may even experience anger toward other people, positive that it’s their fault.
• Sadness – Feel lost, alone, or vulnerable. Sometimes this can deepen into depression and require professional help.
• Acceptance – Realizing that things will not go back to the way they were and you’re ready to move forward.

The order of the stages may shift, and you may vacillate from one to the other and back (from anger to sadness and back to anger). The important lesson is that you understand that these feelings are normal and are necessary to complete the grieving process.

If you find yourself stuck in any of the steps, engage the services of a professional counselor, or coach to give you guidance.

2. ‘Transitional’ Stage of Change

Once you’ve moved through the ‘letting go’ process, you’ll enter the second phase – unfamiliar territory. This is the period of emptiness and uncertainty, the transitional time between letting go of the old and  embracing and adapting to the new. You may feel lost. Unsure of what to do. Don’t know what is expected of you. Nothing feels the same. The old is gone, the new is unknown and you’re in between.

Like a farmer, it’s the time that the fields appear to lay barren, but in reality, they’re becoming nutrient rich for the next crop. This is your opportunity to become nutrient rich.

Here are some steps you can take to help you move through the transitional phase.

1. Do something that makes you feel in control. Avoid making excuses about why you can’t do something, give it a go. Be sure to choose a project that pushes you – and more importantly, one that you can accomplish. 
2. Take stock of your life, choose one or two areas to focus on that will impact your ROI.
3. Think bigger and bolder. Daydream. Visualize your aspirations. See yourself in a new light. 
4. Don’t confuse the present with the past. Remind yourself, in spite of past reactions to change, that you’re mature, wiser and have the skills to not just survive, but to thrive.
5. Accept that this is an awkward stage. Ask for patience and support from people who’re in your corner. 

The transitional time of change is an opportunity to evaluate any previous decisions you made. What did you learn? What should you do to prevent a similar experience from happening? What will you do differently?

Remember, old habits are hard to unlearn. You might be tempted to rush into the first relationship that comes your way. Or take on an unsuitable project or client, be tempted to start another business that has an equal chance of failing. The transition time is for you to sort out the past without recreating the past.

3. ‘Starting Fresh’ Stage of Change

The third phase of change is starting fresh. Patience may be required as you embrace a new situation or identity. Take small steps as you learn the skills, habits, and behaviors associated with the new. Avoid the temptation to replicate the old. Look at opportunities with fresh eyes – a fresh spirit. Many people find that in retrospect, the change they feared and dreaded was an opportunity for growth.

And that’s what thriving is all about.

“Though one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.” ~Carl Brand

Your future depends on more than you surviving the latest (or the next) change in life. It depends on you thriving – flourishing. If you have difficulty believing this, have a go at this exercise:

Phone, e-mail, or text at least 3 friends or relatives. Ask them to share a change they’ve experienced that literally transformed their life in a positive way. They’ll be glad to and you will appreciate the changes you’re experiencing even more.

Summary

Remember that text you got? Maybe it said something along the lines of, ‘Just to let you know I no longer need your services and won’t be renewing my contract.’ And just like that you lost a client.

Chances are, you’ve received similar texts in the past and you were stumped because this change in circumstance knocked your financial projection sideways. But you went through the 3 stages above and bounced back, only to relive it again and again. Not any more, you’re now equipped to handle sudden changes. And remember…

• Change is the normal process of life. Life is not possible without it.
• It is human nature to resist change. Many of us like what’s familiar and predictable.
• It’s normal to resist change. You’re not wrong, bad, or stubborn because you put up resistance.
• It’s common to fear the unknown.
• Change can cause us to question our long-held beliefs and values.
• Change can be uncomfortable and make you feel awkward, but you’ll move forward.
• Refusing to change does’t mean the world won’t change around you, You’ll unfortunately be left behind. Don’t let that happen.

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Some of us resist change because we lack confidence and to be honest, some of us are lazy. We can’t be bothered to invest our energy and time to commit to a new way of thinking and being.

On a reassuring note, the ability to change, adapt and move forward often offer new opportunities, so when life throws you a curve ball, review the stages of change. They’ll help you to not only survive during challenging times, but you’ll thrive.

There is in the worst of fortune the best of chances for a happy ending.
~Euripides

Side note: Design a strategy  that aligns with your ideal client and execute it to ensure you have a waiting list of possible clients, so you don’t receive a text, email or phone call like the one above. If you need help with that or a specific issue that’s getting under your skin and hindering your business progress, my VIP Laser Coaching is the solution.

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© Cherry-Ann Carew

Cherry-Ann Carew is an Online Business Coach, who supports emerging business owners simplify their start-up journey and helps existing businesses scale, so that they can earn uncapped income and live life on their terms.

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